Nemocycles

I'm not perfect.. Am far from it...in fact, I rarely ever have easy Sunday mornings or enjoy the sunsets on Friday... My heart is like a giant cocktail of anger, depression, oppression, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, torment, un-fulfillment, irritation, exhaustion...my emotions are running all over the place and I can barely keep my feet on the ground. I feel like a broken mirror, shattered in a million pieces...am unable to pick myself up and move on with life. Am unable to stand up and face this life. The elegance and class quickly turn into despair and this mask I hate has slowly become a part of me. In fact, I wear it better than I wear my face, It gives me a perfect smile and a great complexion. It hides the dark circles around my eyes. The light and the darkness underneath my skin have become a volcano...the heat is slowly building up inside me and am about to erupt.  I can't wish upon a star and hope that tomorrow isn't filled with ...

There's a light down at memory lane, Slowly and steadily fading away, Am still here, Holding on to dreams torn apart, Even with my broken heart, I still follow my heart, Am on my own chasing the sun, Trying like hell to catch my own shadow, And the shade in my heart, Tearing me apart, I thought I saw your face in the morning sun, I could have sworn  It was you I saw there... I thought I heard your voice as the wind passed me by, I could have sworn  It was you whispering my name... I'm indifferent but not unaffected, I cant pretend..I am over the edge... You are stuck in my head.. Still think you are laying in my bed, This cant be the end.....

A night of Lust & Lasts.... He banged the door shut and run down the stairs, what the hell had I just done? Who the hell had I become. I crawled up by the door and flooded myself in my tears. My castle was crumbling down. I knew in the depths of my hear what I wanted, I just didn't have the guts to face my fears. I guess walking into the unknown does that to you. Tonight was a night of lasts:- Last laughs, last conversations, last touch, last kiss...my emotions were  all over the place. My head was yelling "its better this way" and my heart was begging me to go after him. My feet were already out the door, I ran....I tried to catch up with him. I still wasn't sure what I was going to tell him. My heart was breaking, His heart was breaking. I just wanted one last chance. Not sure that would be enough, but it could be the start. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't let me touch him. He pushed me away from his path. "Am in l...

13 th July 2012. A LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SELF... Dear Teenage Risa, You are a beauty and a gem, then and now….so stop tearing yourself apart trying to be everything all at once. You are messing your uniqueness and losing yourself, you are destroying YOU . Among the finest of God’s creation… SMILE , this will not only light up your day, but also the day of others.  Don’t try to be someone else. Keep walking around feeling like Cleopatra, that kind of CONFIDENCE will open doors you never even knew existed. DON’T struggle with PRIDE, this has been the downfall of many great men and women before and during my time…Don’t get too hung on your MISTAKES , you are yet to make your worst, but make sure you LEARN from them  and grow yourself. Learn everything and anything. Every day is a learning experience. Remember, the day you STOP LEARNING will be the day you start dying. Take your lessons seriously. RESPECT other people; respect their time and their space. List...

Dreams turned nightmares. I have been having nightmares. Nightmares about a love gone bad. About a lover ending my life. Every night this past couples of weeks the same dream. We are this lavish party, family and friends we having the time of our lives. The pain is agonizing and yet I stay alive. One right through my head and another on my spine. I don’t die. I lay here in my own pool of blood and watch all of you go on with your lives. Most of you stop and stare and you give me those pitiful eyes and move on, others don’t even notice the blood on their gorgeous shoes. That’s not my worry…my worry is why would a person I love so much want to hurt me so bad? You so easily pull the trigger of your forty five twice…you ignore the love we shared and the memories. The laughter, the joy…how could those mean so little to you? Is the line between love and hate really so thin? Lovers yesterday and war lords today? Love is not supposed to be so sad. Silly me, for loving you without asking why o...

I polished my makeup one last time and headed back to the restaurant. I hoped the mask I was wearing to cover the hurt would stay intact and I didn't have to excuse myself again. I walked towards Jude, I never really noticed how good looking he was, and as his stood up to meet me, I noticed how kind his eyes were. He pulled a chair for  me and then went to sit across the small table from me. I could really be happy with him. I could learn to love him. I mean, people do that all the time don't they? He called to the waiter and asked for the wine list. As the waiter turn, his soft brown eyes turned to look at me. " I love you Lexi...." "Ohhh noo......" My heart couldn't keep an opinion to itself for five minutes. " I told you he was going to do this...all you had to do was listen to me....you always going with what the head says...this is going to be a disaster" I didn't take my eyes off of him. I didn't want him to know that I was no...

I sit, listening to you running your mouth, You are like cricket that will not shut up, I sit here, The sound of your voice makes me want to throw up.. I sit here premeditating your death, I imagine how better life will be without you... My heart smiles, as I imagine myself driving a stake through your evil heart (if you even have one) The look in your eyes as you fall to the ground Your last breath as you beg for help.. Help? The help you gave the enemy to destroy other lives, I watch as you gasp for air, As the pool of blood spreads under your body, I wait till there is no pulse left, Then listen to the peace... I can hear the birds sing at a distance, I can hear the train and the traffic and every else Your noise no longer ruins my life, Your noise no longer ruins other people's lives, I imagine your epitaph, What will your head stone read? Perhaps, "here lays a selfish person, who cared who nothing but them self" or "  a heartless bitch...