A night of Lust & Lasts....


He banged the door shut and run down the stairs, what the hell had I just done? Who the hell had I become. I crawled up by the door and flooded myself in my tears. My castle was crumbling down. I knew in the depths of my hear what I wanted, I just didn't have the guts to face my fears. I guess walking into the unknown does that to you. Tonight was a night of lasts:- Last laughs, last conversations, last touch, last kiss...my emotions were  all over the place. My head was yelling "its better this way" and my heart was begging me to go after him. My feet were already out the door, I ran....I tried to catch up with him. I still wasn't sure what I was going to tell him. My heart was breaking, His heart was breaking. I just wanted one last chance. Not sure that would be enough, but it could be the start. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't let me touch him. He pushed me away from his path. "Am in love with you...please don't leave" I heard the words roll out of my mouth faster than I could think. Desperation? Inspiration? " It's late, I need to get home, please go back to your house and get some sleep" He walked quickly, he talked really fast too...I did love him, but I was saying it at the wrong time. He had been nothing but good to me, I had to let him go. Tonight was a night of many lasts, it was maybe the last time I saw him.




My mind drifted to the night of amazing romance we had just had, probably another last, I wanted him and only him...I wanted a lifetime with him, I didn't care who got hurt on the way. If only I had been less relentless, less reckless, then maybe he would still be right here. Love hadn't saved us. Love hadn't been enough. It had only take minutes for our lives to change completely. For us to fall from lust to last.




Agonizing pain hit me like a heat wave. Certainly, everything I wanted and everything needed were not on the same page. What was I thinking? What did I expect? I could barely breathe, my heart was tearing up in so many pieces I didn't know how to keep it together. I knelt on the pavement and let the pieces fall. I didn't care much what happened after this. The worst had already happened.

Comments

  1. Sherri19 July 2012 at 21:14

    As sure as the heart beats, it always knows what it wants and needs. Lust turned to something lasting would be a dream come true for the heart...

    ReplyDelete

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