Nemocycles

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] By E. E. Cummings   i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)                                                       i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I sit here waiting to see your face, waiting to see the love or anger that is in your eyes. Those eyes that could light a thousand nights. I sit here and hope for your kiss, either one filled with love or anger doesn't matter I know I can't live without it. I sit here and your touch I miss, so much my life feels lonely and empty without it. I sit here and hope to smell your scent, that sweet fragrance that reminds me of flowers and calms my mind. I sit here and think of the hole in my whole whenever you are way. I think about what a  meaningless mess my life would be if you were not seating here across me. I sit here and think about how you are all that I want, I think of how hard it is for you to believe that a love like this could exist. I sit here and think of the silly fights, how a day without talking to you feels like music without sound. I think about the moment of introduction, about your charm and seduction. I wonder if the moments we are together, are as

Sometimes we find solace in the strangest of places, sometimes what you expected turns out to be completely different. After a while you realize just how important it is to keep and open mind, just how much easier it is to look at the glass half full. A lot of things happen in our lives and at the particular moment you have no idea why they are happening. We hurt, we cry... we lose ourselves in the wrong kind of people or get involved in wrong kind of thing.We fall in love and we give everything to someone and hope with every fibre in your being that this person will not break your heart. But more often than not they do, sometimes the don't mean to do it, but it happens anyway.And we do the only humane thing, we shut out the rest of humanity lock ourselves up in some dark closet and hurt. We cry, we get drunk and go completely off the rails. We hate, find solace in the arms of strangers and we hope that our hearts can be curved out of chests and put away in a box. We become stran

Sometimes goodbye is the only way... We loved each other more than anything in the world, but as life would have it, love is not always enough. I looked at him, he was starring out into the world. Deep in thought, or maybe just dumbfounded. This wasn't the first time we had had this conversation, we had even gone our separate ways several times, but something was different about this time, it felt like it was the last time. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked out in the balcony, it was a beautiful night. We sat there in silence and watched the night, the crickets making a sweet symphony. I knew this would be last time I would be this close to him. I lifted my hand and brought it close to his neck. I was tempted to touch him, hold him close. Kiss him. The emotions came rushing through me...I didn't want to break up with him. I did not want goodbye to be the only truth we knew. I stopped myself before I could ask him to stay. I loved him and he loved me, that had never

After the tiring day I had today all I wanted was to sit on my balcony, pour some chilled white wine and finish reading 50 shades of Grey by E. L James. My mind was a bit preoccupied though, distracted could be a better word. Mostly by Christian Grey.... I smiled at the thought of this man, in my mind he was a god, he was perfection, I guess his indecent proposal made me think of him as the kind of guy you look at from a far and never really get with. I had my own god, who wanted everything to do with me. I pulled out the letter he had sent to me this morning, I had read it a hundred times over already, it looked like it was sent to me years ago. I smiled. My dear Isabel, I hope you have been well. Am from doing my usual morning run which is the only distraction I have that keeps me from going crazy. I miss you Bella, your face, your eyes, your laugh...I even miss that thing you do with your nose when you are irritated...but mostly my dear Bella I miss your smile, the way it ar

Choosing a path means having to miss out on other things. I have my whole life a head of me and am mostly wondering if in the future I will come to regret the choices I have make now. I was not afraid of committing myself before, now I think I have this strange phobia to anything that could mean serious. I want to follow all possible paths and I worry that I might end up following none. After all the romantic disappointments, can I give of myself entirely? I fear pain, loss and rejection. These things will be inevitable on the path of love, and the only way of avoiding them is by deciding NEVER to take that path at all. In order not to suffer, I have to denounce love. Its like pulling out my own eyes not to see the bad things in life..

 You & Me... a party for two, a lovely melody at a distance, a full moon and ten thousand stars, the perfect night, none less than id hoped for, several sweet kisses, tender embraces the cool summer breeze sweeping over us, am so grateful for this secluded space tonight no guests are needed we'll serve in our own delight dressed in a gown and a tuxedo what an elegant sight candles glowing the warmth of such inspired love no distracting crowd shared pleasure is all we think of praising the quiet time our closeness is made sure left alone with such passion our bodies a perfect mixture a party for two we dine in ecstasy treating desires one to one the hours pass so wonderfully the air is fragrant we become even closer feeling all of loves magic appearing when we are together the stage is all ours for the most sensual show performed without an audience not a thought about tomorrow a midnight duet how beautiful it sounds played smoothly in darling souls Exotic harmonies abound Do

I'm not perfect.. Am far from it...in fact, I rarely ever have easy Sunday mornings or enjoy the sunsets on Friday... My heart is like a giant cocktail of anger, depression, oppression, guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, torment, un-fulfillment, irritation, exhaustion...my emotions are running all over the place and I can barely keep my feet on the ground. I feel like a broken mirror, shattered in a million pieces...am unable to pick myself up and move on with life. Am unable to stand up and face this life. The elegance and class quickly turn into despair and this mask I hate has slowly become a part of me. In fact, I wear it better than I wear my face, It gives me a perfect smile and a great complexion. It hides the dark circles around my eyes. The light and the darkness underneath my skin have become a volcano...the heat is slowly building up inside me and am about to erupt.  I can't wish upon a star and hope that tomorrow isn't filled with as much misery as today. Wa

There's a light down at memory lane, Slowly and steadily fading away, Am still here, Holding on to dreams torn apart, Even with my broken heart, I still follow my heart, Am on my own chasing the sun, Trying like hell to catch my own shadow, And the shade in my heart, Tearing me apart, I thought I saw your face in the morning sun, I could have sworn  It was you I saw there... I thought I heard your voice as the wind passed me by, I could have sworn  It was you whispering my name... I'm indifferent but not unaffected, I cant pretend..I am over the edge... You are stuck in my head.. Still think you are laying in my bed, This cant be the end.....

A night of Lust & Lasts.... He banged the door shut and run down the stairs, what the hell had I just done? Who the hell had I become. I crawled up by the door and flooded myself in my tears. My castle was crumbling down. I knew in the depths of my hear what I wanted, I just didn't have the guts to face my fears. I guess walking into the unknown does that to you. Tonight was a night of lasts:- Last laughs, last conversations, last touch, last kiss...my emotions were  all over the place. My head was yelling "its better this way" and my heart was begging me to go after him. My feet were already out the door, I ran....I tried to catch up with him. I still wasn't sure what I was going to tell him. My heart was breaking, His heart was breaking. I just wanted one last chance. Not sure that would be enough, but it could be the start. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't let me touch him. He pushed me away from his path. "Am in l

13 th July 2012. A LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SELF... Dear Teenage Risa, You are a beauty and a gem, then and now….so stop tearing yourself apart trying to be everything all at once. You are messing your uniqueness and losing yourself, you are destroying YOU . Among the finest of God’s creation… SMILE , this will not only light up your day, but also the day of others.  Don’t try to be someone else. Keep walking around feeling like Cleopatra, that kind of CONFIDENCE will open doors you never even knew existed. DON’T struggle with PRIDE, this has been the downfall of many great men and women before and during my time…Don’t get too hung on your MISTAKES , you are yet to make your worst, but make sure you LEARN from them  and grow yourself. Learn everything and anything. Every day is a learning experience. Remember, the day you STOP LEARNING will be the day you start dying. Take your lessons seriously. RESPECT other people; respect their time and their space. Listen to you

Dreams turned nightmares. I have been having nightmares. Nightmares about a love gone bad. About a lover ending my life. Every night this past couples of weeks the same dream. We are this lavish party, family and friends we having the time of our lives. The pain is agonizing and yet I stay alive. One right through my head and another on my spine. I don’t die. I lay here in my own pool of blood and watch all of you go on with your lives. Most of you stop and stare and you give me those pitiful eyes and move on, others don’t even notice the blood on their gorgeous shoes. That’s not my worry…my worry is why would a person I love so much want to hurt me so bad? You so easily pull the trigger of your forty five twice…you ignore the love we shared and the memories. The laughter, the joy…how could those mean so little to you? Is the line between love and hate really so thin? Lovers yesterday and war lords today? Love is not supposed to be so sad. Silly me, for loving you without asking why o

I polished my makeup one last time and headed back to the restaurant. I hoped the mask I was wearing to cover the hurt would stay intact and I didn't have to excuse myself again. I walked towards Jude, I never really noticed how good looking he was, and as his stood up to meet me, I noticed how kind his eyes were. He pulled a chair for  me and then went to sit across the small table from me. I could really be happy with him. I could learn to love him. I mean, people do that all the time don't they? He called to the waiter and asked for the wine list. As the waiter turn, his soft brown eyes turned to look at me. " I love you Lexi...." "Ohhh noo......" My heart couldn't keep an opinion to itself for five minutes. " I told you he was going to do this...all you had to do was listen to me....you always going with what the head says...this is going to be a disaster" I didn't take my eyes off of him. I didn't want him to know that I was no