After the tiring day I had today all I wanted was to sit on my balcony, pour some chilled white wine and finish reading 50 shades of Grey by E. L James. My mind was a bit preoccupied though, distracted could be a better word. Mostly by Christian Grey.... I smiled at the thought of this man, in my mind he was a god, he was perfection, I guess his indecent proposal made me think of him as the kind of guy you look at from a far and never really get with.

I had my own god, who wanted everything to do with me. I pulled out the letter he had sent to me this morning, I had read it a hundred times over already, it looked like it was sent to me years ago.

I smiled.

My dear Isabel,

I hope you have been well. Am from doing my usual morning run which is the only distraction I have that keeps me from going crazy. I miss you Bella, your face, your eyes, your laugh...I even miss that thing you do with your nose when you are irritated...but mostly my dear Bella I miss your smile, the way it arcs so perfectly giving your face so much life and glow.

I try to think about other things, but my thoughts are no longer my own, am just part of the story, a figment of my own imagination. My feelings for you have grown to lengths I hadn't imagined possible in this life, this is no longer just an illusion, its just me, my heart and this girl. My options have decreased to a singular course, am afraid if I release my finger from the trigger it will all be over, I will loose you and I will slip a bit further from heaven. My mind ramifies every time I think of you. In my feeble mind you are superior to me in every way that counts, You are older, better trained, better equipped and you out number me at least twenty-to-one, and you have defeated me at all fronts..I guess I am up against an unbeatable force, I have already lost, I have lost and only being with you will set me free from my demise. Accept? Surrender? Give up? I don't know..it is no longer about how smart or how good I am, anyone who thinks different is a fool. To me this is an urban legend come true, a jigsaw puzzle and every piece fits perfectly..I have found someone I would like to spend the remaining of my mortal life with....

What I feel for you is the one thing that people hope for when they come to life and are grateful for on their dying beds. Certainly my life makes sense. Certainly my world is complete.

I can't wait to see you again my lovely Isabella, I can't wait to look into your eyes and tell you just how happy you make..I can't wait to kiss you..be with you.

Till then.

Yours,
Liam.

PS. I love you.


My heart had skipped so many beats today from reading  this letter. His words were so sincere, so true and so well chose. I had never known him as the kind of man to mix his words, he wanted what he wanted and as fate would have it that was me. I missed him too...dearly, he was always a safe place for me. He had pulled me from my wrecked self and showed me just how much happy I could be. He had being patient and tolerated my out bursts, my nagging, my disappearing, he had let me take all the time in the world I needed to get past my past. He had loved me at my best...and loved me even more at my worst. Was it possible for such unconditional love? Was it possible that one man would make one woman his world?

The news of his leaving was tormenting me, strangely, I had some regrets about never telling him exactly what I felt. I was uncertain of the future as was he. And the distance wasn't really helping.  He was half way across the world from me and there wasn't much we could do about that.

I cried.

How had I let things get like this. My indecisive self was ruining my life and I wasn't sure how to change it. The voices in my head were much louder than the feelings in my heart. That plus the cocktail of hurt, mistrust and disappointments over the years....I clenched his letter close to my heart and continued to weep.

This weren't supposed to happen this way.

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